Pointless Shuffles

  The time was finally ripe, after weeks of great anticipation, to scrape my mouth of all the glorious bitterness I have gained over the past weeks. But no, I sorry to inform my faithful that there must be another week of demanded servitude to the coach. I must let it be known, I did not create this blog for selfish reasons of intellectual fame, or to parade my wit in a lubricated fury, or even because I enjoy writing. No, it was because of a class. Not an ordinary class of teachers, backpacks, and large erasers, but one traveling the information superhighway. We were assigned to pick a topic of our fancy, and create a blog. My topic ideas shuffled from discussing the economic impact of the stimulus package to time warping back to’67 and living among the strumming deities. But being that I like drinking beer and spend a good amount of time doing just that, I thought I might actually like writing beer. No more could I feel guilty about spending my paycheck on pint after pitcher after mug on the brown and down. This was for scholastic progress. I was finally going to be able to shout my skunked breath with justification, instead of being kindly escorted out the side door… It’s a wonder I ever got into this school…Anyway where was I? Oh, ya. Instead of writing about things of relevance, we have been required to expand our knowledge of the web by finding our “social bookmarking soulmate.” Turing to bookmarking interfaces such as Diigo and Delicious, we are to comb the clouds of suspended tags, and find the person of marsupial nature, hop in their pouch and drink from their tit of know-how.

     After little time and effort I created a Delicious profile that I feel represents my complexion to an appropriate hue. From there I began the hunt to find my mate. Clicking, scrolling, scanning the landscapes I moved from one beer nerd to the next, sniffing for the one to lay my trust. Naturally, like a well hormonal stripling, I was lead to a fetching dame going by the name of brooklynbeergal. After following my bookmark of Draft Magazine, I saw her sitting patiently between two dull stouts by the names of density.rm and alleciav. Like a recently cleaned water fountain, I softly pushed down my thumb and was satisfyingly refreshed by her sophisticated clarity. Without even asking, she allowed me to scroll her tags with comfort. I was immediately aroused by her leading tag---BEER.  With over 350 bookmarked sites, titles varying from “fuck yeah beer” to “Beer Cupcakes, One for the Guys,” it was as if she saw me from across the park and put on the red lipstick. Nexting through the thrity-six pages my trust thickened. I randomly selected what looked like a tempting URL and was directed to a phenomenal Chicago based microbrewery, Kuhnhenn Brewing Company. Eagerly continuing on I found her interests ranged from not only beer drinking, but crafting as well. As a member of the Home Brewers Association, she showed that she doesn’t limit her elegance to online pastimes, but showers the world with a philanthropic spirit. I was beginning to feel worried when I had yet to find any reference to the “Greatest Beer State in the World!” Until… The Brewery. This “small craft brewery” in Orange County houses a selection of beers that would make a Michelob cry until empty, then shatter in shame. Whether it was fate, natural selection, or just a fabulously slutty tagger, I was sick with passion. After briefly reminiscing about the last ten minutes, I was choked up thinking about how close we had become. Scrolling to the top right hand corner of the page, I took the final step in sealing our bond. Hovering my finger pointer over “Add to my Network,” I once again pressed down my thumb forever inviting brooklynbeergal into my virtual life. My assignment was complete, I found my soulmate.